Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
