Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
