Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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