We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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