Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
