Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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