you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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