Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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