I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
