So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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