the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
