So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
