Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
