So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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