i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
