HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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