just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
