I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
