ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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