Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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