got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
