How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
