I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
