Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
