is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had sex on a roof
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
