He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
