I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
