its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
