yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
