He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
