new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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