i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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