Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Farmville is her only friend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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