mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
