there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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