If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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