so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
