I skipped work to stalk him.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
