Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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