Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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