I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Randomize
