I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
