The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
