he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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