You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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