I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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