I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
