At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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