maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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