Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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