Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
pop tarts are not kleenex
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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