she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
