you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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