i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
