so explain again why im purple
no
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
