Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
